Robert Colpitts

“So, the first lesson for you today, man-in-training,” Faith begins, “is how to keep people from being angry with you.”

We are standing in the middle of the desert.

“Let’s pretend, dearest skinny one, that no one, at this moment, is angry with you.  Let’s pretend, as I tip toe away, that I am happy with you.  Let’s pretend that you are in good standing with the entire world, and you are left in the desert by yourself.”

I know her lesson.

“You see,” she continues, “even then, you have no control over whether or not someone is angry with you.  They might discover that you are missing, and be angry with you about THAT.”

I know her lesson.

“The point is, you are in the best position to manage that anger, by manipulating that image.”

You are not you and all that.

“By lying to them.”

Yadda yadda yadda.

“About your anger.”

I’m not hearing you.

SLAP!  To my face.

“Tell that to your fucking morality!”

SLAP!

“Say it!”

I really don’t know what she is talking about, but I can tell she is angry with me, so I feel like saying something, because she is making it so clear.

“Say it!”

Ok.  I say, “Anger is their issue.”

“Wrong!”

I say, “Just because I do something, doesn’t mean I deserve it.”

“No!”

I say, “Better to be patient with the–”

“No way!”

I stop.

“The lesson you must learn is that there is no such thing as someone being angry with you.”

Because the moment I think it…

…it is there to be seen.

“Up in the cabesa or whatever–your head-space.”

So if I write it down, I’ll believe it.

“The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth…”

So help me God, if I don’t get what I want–

“So then, again, you follow your own rules, sir, or why bother?”

What am I afraid of?

“I know, I know,” she is jumping up-and-down, “you’re afraid of them being angry with you.”

Hence the desert.

“Forget it.  Even if you were a softy, softy, you still couldn’t avoid it.  NO ONE avoids the DEMON THOUGHT!”

Not exactly demon thought.

“Not exactly DEMON THOUGHT!”

“Faith, do you know why I like you?”

She does not deign to answer, but does delight to smile.

“You smell like anger all the time.”

She smiles.  “You’re horny.”

Sucks.

But, seriously, the nicest person in the world offends MILLIONS!

“And if you hate me because I don’t love you, I’m sorry for you, but we should have dinner.”

If you hate me, let’s have dinner.

But why not say, “That’s ok.  Because it’s all my game.”

All, everything, mind tricks.

Like stop forcing people who hate you to have dinner with you.

“Like stop forcing people who hate you to have dinner with you.”

As if, what will happen, is a miracle.

“Pokadots.”