Not Another Self Imposed
I am standing, I suppose, on the edge of a graham cracker, looking down into a pile of mold. There are thirteen unlucky fairies buzzing around my head, and it takes all my will power not to swat them like flies. My shoes are tiny crinolines, which do not hold up well in rain. One tooth on the left side of my mouth feels dirtier than the rest, and my tongue keeps reaching up and back to feel the source of the grime. My rib cage is slightly lower than yours. Two Sundays from last, I made the acquaintance of a peppercheck, a dolphin, and a tudarachimey, but I have since forgotten their names and lost their phone numbers.
I’ve asked the thirteen fairies to carry mirrors so that I could see myself at all times. The fairies keep falling down. The mirrors crash and tear their mini girl bodies into a tiny bloody mish mash, but the fairies reassemble themselves and the mirrors and fly back up to provide me with endless self-reflection. Something above me cries my name, and I realize it is procrastination, telling me, “Now now now now now now now now.” I try to eat the graham cracker I am standing on, but I am unsuccessful: every time I move my feet, the cracker underfoot moves too. I sing a lullaby to the fairies, and they all swoon and crash to the ground. You don’t want to see brutalized, crushed fairies, so they are all alive, lying on their mirrors. Some swim in their reflection. Some kiss their own fairy lips. Some try and smash their mirror, but, you don’t want to see bleeding fairy hands, so the mirrors are unbreakable. But not their little fairy fists.
Screaming. Singing such songs. Simply. None of it stops the incessant buzzing. Yet, invite it in for tea and listen to its tale, and you’ll find the buzzing is not that buzzing bad.
Hopefully, Faith didn’t hear that. She only understands two questions: Do you know where the other thing is? and Are you aware that you are full of shit?
Yes, I’m glad that Faith isn’t here. You see, I have come here to this moment to say, “Love never comes at the right time,” and I know she’d roll her eyes or pat me on the back or say something mean. I’d be mushy mushy like the fairies.
Then she appears!
Just kidding.
It is times like these when I say, “Well, I didn’t do this, but I did do THIS.” Just like when I say, “Love never comes at the right time, you try so hard to fit it here, move it there, take it there, or even, oh my God, push it away away away, but, la la la la la la, love it comes when it comes,” when I mean, “wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, oh, my word, wait a minute!”
Kind of like Faith.
Just kidding.
One other thing. “That is like everything else.”
And another. “Wait and see.”
One more. “If you don’t know which path to take, walk with someone.”
I realize that if I want to eat that cracker, I’m going to have to eat my foot. Isn’t that just SICK?