She walks
Grooving on it
That music
But then she trips
Like a secret
And smiles
No one sees
Except she did
And she did
And she did
Seeing herself
And herself
Over
And over
And over
And over
Again
Grooving again
To the music
Of her own
False teeth
In body bought form
She slithers
Away from me
Ain’t I unhappy?
Ha!
You are not happy
On that path
So don’t hurt anyone
As you struggle
Like a python in a sack
You made the sack
When the wind calms
And the rain stops
And the heat cools
And the earth stills
Stop and
Breathe
And you will see
She forgot her cookie
She embraced his heart
She skipped playing freedom
She smiled lies to scar
She forgot her cookie
She did drink her milk
God gave her presents
Nature gave her the tools she needed to blast calm from its rooted place in the earth
She forgot her cookie
She screamed out for air
She tore apart squirrels
She hated every hair
She forgot her cookie
She tried to stop
She couldn’t
Shut her mind off
Did she ever wonder
Why?
How could he
In one moment
Make me feel so sick
Or is it me
I have to wake up earlier
Damn these waves
Amazing
Want it
Learn how
Magnets!
Whoosh!
And later
When you don’t
Not so easy
To let go
Fuck
It sucks
To wander
In the dark
With so much light
Give me a moment
My pupils are adjusting
Hmmm. I should say.
Hmmm.
But hmmm.
Is that the way?
Always testing…
Never knowing…
Think…
Breathe…
Curious.
Be curious.
Yep.
Worked.
Being curious.
Better than speaking.
As the world goes by and by,
Silence shall rest upon my heart…
Alas…
When are words right?
Hello shiny thing
I never buy you
You too much
One day I thought
Maybe I could
And then I opened my wallet
And thought no shiny
How about plastic?
No matter how you look at it
It is not gonna work
Unless pudding is involved
You have pudding?
Pudding shiny.
And sprinkles.
Not enough
To say I’m sad
Not enough
To say I’m not
Something though
That makes me sit
And don’t know what?
The world is very
Different now
now
no
n
I guess that’s it
It could happen any time
Since that the world is like
Shall I honor it with the day?
“It’s like fishing, you know, you try one spot, no bites, you try the next.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
“It’s true! And if the fish are biting, but you are not catching, you have to try different bait, or a different hook, or a different pull.”
Uh huh.
“It’s not who you are that makes a good fisherman, it’s what you know, what you try, and your adaptability.”
Yup.
“But, sir, when fishing, whether or not you catch the fish, you are practicing something else.”
Oh?
“Being you. If you were walking away from the patience it takes to be here now, with me, for hours, and keep quiet, I wouldn’t come back again.”
Nice fella.
“And, most importantly, to catch fish, you have to learn how not to catch fish, because if you caught fish all the time, you wouldn’t have the patience to lose anywhere.”
I give him a candy bar. I also tell him that he’s being too loud.
“Yep.”
Like right now
To do
I do
Something better
Than what I should
Even if
I have done
What I should
All morning
The next should
Trumps the previous should
And now
After this
Having said this
The should
Must be
Go time
How odd. I still stand in that room. She is gone. I miss her. She always knew better than I, though I know what she knows, and I know why she had to leave. She is gone, and when someone reads her words in my play, will she appear?
I don’t know. But, seriously. Faith?
So slowly
yes words
Giving
Compassionate
Loving
I meet with
Curiosity
Enter
My body
Pass through
And meet me later
Some love
Stuck
In my cells
Breath enjoys
New hello
Faith is sad? What?! How can this be? She is never sad! She cannot be sad. She especially cannot be sad in my view. This has never happened before. What do I do? At this moment Faith usually springs forth and rescues me. Questions me. Spurs me on to greatness! Now she is just sad sitting there like a bump. I have some popcorn. I give it to her. She says, “Thanks,” and sadly nibbles on the popcorn.
“What is…ahem…why do you appear sad?” How odd I say. How odd.
“There is not simply psychology, and I may not forever be.”
I contemplate this for a moment. I have always seen her as a rock. As a steady presence. As a life companion forever guiding me. Then I started wondering if all of my inner personalities may indeed retain their multiplicity, but shift and change and morph and adapt. I think of Faith changing, dying, disappearing, and a voice within me starts screaming and coming to the surface. “No!” it says. Is it her?
We sit for a moment. She knows what I am thinking.
She speaks. “There is more to living than understanding us.”
I nod. “It seems that way.”
“You had an experience which you contemplate even now, AND IT WAS NOT FASHIONED BY ME!”
Faith’s sudden frustration startles part of me, but I feel more at ease than earlier. I am thinking, “You exist as long as you need to.” I refine it: “She exists as long as she needs to.” Somehow that seems right. She knows what I am thinking, so I decide to formalize my decision. I say, quite fearfully, “You exist as long as you need to.”
And with that, she walks away. I want to follow her. I want to appease her. I want to cry. But I say to myself, “She exists as long as she needs to.”
Yes. Definitely sad. Especially when there is love involved.