Robert Colpitts

In this corner, me.
In the other, this drowning fucking feeling that makes me want to jump off of a building while dragging my face against the wall.

Me:  I think it is time that you take a nap Lonliness.
Him:  You were the asshole who said you could sit alone in your apartment for weeks without needing to talk to anyone.  Look at you now you moron.  After 25 minutes you are already suicidal.
Me:  No, you are, I only want some peace.  You vaulted up from your resting place at the first sign of disappointment.  Why not just say, “how sad,” and be on your way?
Him:  You have a good point.  Why not?  I wanted to show you up.  I wanted to prove that you were not that strong.  I wanted to stop the extreme statements one way or the other.
Me:  Ok, so now I realize that I’ve been letting myself see saw from one part to another, and you’re reacting to my allowance.
Him:  I suppose that is right.  So what?
Me:  So, let’s acknowledge your disappointment.  And let me stop doing that.
Him:  I’m disappointed that plans have changed.  That today is not like yesterday.  That today is not a sign of forward movement.  I am disappointed in my choices.
Me:  Like the wind when it does not blow in our favor, we must wait out change.  Your disappointment is a boon to us all.  We see it and we change direction.  Thank you for your disappointment.  But I also want you to rest easy.  I don’t want you to get so worked up.
Him:  Super.  I’m a bit sleepy anyway.  I just thought I’d fill the gap with something else. 
Me:  We will.  With each breath that we breathe, we fill one moment to the next with infinite depth.  Even disappointment has depth. 
Him:  Hugs.
Me:  I’d like nothing better.
Him:  You know, I’m disappointed that I did not get a hug today.
Me:  Me too.  Hugs are the best thing that human beings have ever given us.
Him:  Extreme.
Me:  Yep.  I caught that.  But you could tell.
Him:  You like hugs.
Me:  I do.

Fight over. 

rememberory disserve me now
the servicetime of lifeon rhyme
tells liesto me and i drink
sosad in the solidarityof
newyork now walk away

What is it
Your effort
That it is not?
What is it
Your intention
That it is not?
What wants it
What steals it
What sustains it
That it is
Or wants to be
Not?

Somewhere
The Green Bugs
Lie even if
In my fear

Orange
Shin
Butterfly
Tremble before
The Pun
Fear
The Hair

Yep
Said image
From too much
When I was a boy
And I stare in the face
And there rises such fear
To destroy patience and solace
And make carrot juice out of confidence
I wish I had not opened my eyes
The raisins, they have done it
The fish too, it was there
The fish? I didn’t
Eat that,
Huh?

i will pull
you here
with
a whistle
across
the span
of dreams
because
this note
i dwell in
grows sweeter
by the minute
and you
belong here
singing
with me

There once was a _______
That made me feel _______
It hurt like _______
But now I know _______

[buy Colpitts Powder]

red now white
white not green
green is blue
blue almost red
red could white
white was green
blue is red

 that’s life
   supposing
      truth

I expect the wind
At any moment
To come knocking
On my door
But out I stand
In outdoor land
And not a wisp
Of hair nor air
Is sparked to life
By he who was
Supposed to be
Where I am
All the time.

I expect the wind
On some long night
To shake my hand
And say farewell
Give me the keys
And drive away
That is the wind
I imagine

Seriously
No wind
Where are you?
You’re late!

Holy shit!  Faith is here!  She is walking in the coffee shop as we speak.  I cannot believe she agreed to meet me here.  I had better stop all this internal jabbering and chill out.  That’s right, play it cool, be smart, be confident, take charge, make jokes–you know what to do. 

Oh my God, there she is.  She doesn’t see me yet.  She is looking around.  I feel like hiding behind my laptop so she cannot see me at all.  I am not going to do that however.  Let me put on my best smile.  There it is.  Let it remain.  Keep it on.  Do not waver.  Her eyes turn this way.  Faith’s eyes, they are like titans!  She meets my gaze, but she still does not see me.  She is walking out.  She is walking out!  What? 

“Faith!”

She turns, naturally, because Faith is her name, and I’ve always known her to respond to it.  Wouldn’t I respond to anyone if my name was Faith?

“There you are,” she says.

I cannot speak.  Yet I do.  “Want to make a paper airplane with me?”

“That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.  I’d rather eat chicken.”

Hmmm.  Not going well.  I guess I deserve it.  I’m not an engineer, and yet I pretend I can build.  Act naturally.

“I hate when you control me like this.  You know this is unnatural.  You know that I’d prefer to have it my way.  You know that I’m much more interesting than you can imagine by yourself.  Why don’t you consult me before you construct a meeting between you and myself?  I am supposed to meet ideas, images, insanity, not you.” 

I will write myself stupid to please her, and make her smart so you can see her.  But I am not so supple.  I close my laptop and write this in my mind.

“Toodles to you Ms. Fist Head.  You think I want to sit here with you?  You are boring.  You don’t have a sense of humor.  You are superficial and demanding.”

She knows and I know that I am lying for her sake.  Do you know what I am eating now?  My soul.

The coffee shop opens its mouth:  “Pardon me, but I think you might need me to deconstruct the binary you have created.”  The coffee shop walks with us to the beach.  We decide to swim.  I get stung by a jelly fish.  Everyone has a good laugh.  We don’t hold hands, but we do smile a lot.  These are the days that hint at summer, and Faith is there.  What a bitch.  Yeah, that’s right.  I said it.  You can take the word and rearrange it so it says chibt.  You can do whatever you want with it.  Just know that Faith fucked with me, and I wrote her into the belly of a whale. There she is writing a biography of me, but her references suck.  She does not get cell phone reception in there.  You see how I always win?

Faith and I in the coffee shop decide to hang out all night and laugh.  Neither her nor I have anything better to do.  By that I mean we have the best thing to do. 

Where-a I takey the risky woo hoo
I makey the wi fi hi hi
And all the winny tinny ho ho
It’s all the wham bam I can spare
Ya yo to to la la
Takey it home
Takey me home
Whim wham sham flam
To take the woo hoo
And you you
With me

Dark
Low
Rooted
Unknown
Unmatched
Secret

I talked to it
It was different

cross time see the past continue from there knowing what we’d feel now?
skip the distance knock on a door have some tea and make love?
give up our careers divine sustenance give to everyone and live forever?
say goodbye to them let them be happy see them everyday and see each other too?

Everything.  One thing wants.  One hundred things prevent.

yet wanty wanty wanty
cries and wants some food
no bottle here
you?

Excuse me
I’m not exactly
Knocking on your door
Nor your head
Sir, no not that
But I am in the
Vicinity of your
View

I noticed
That you are–
How can I say
This without
Being True–
Blind

I would like to
Introduce you to
Me
The interloper
Who’s been
Where you are
Before

I’ll tell you all about it
And how to stop it
If you simply open your eyes

THIS MESSAGE IS FOR YOU IDIOT!

Stopped short
Of a quintessential
Pause
Rest evoked
But not rested
Overlong
There in the
Winking goodbye
Of sleep
Is a peace
Unknown
But felt
In the speech
Of a midnight
Dream

Love
In its second
Stanza
Sits
Walks
And secrets
The tomorrow
Of a hand
Untouched
A smile
Unseen
A few words
Whispered
To solidify
An embrace
Sought for
But mediated
And longing
For the real

Calm
Rests easy
On the skin
Of a hand
And patiently
Awaits
Itself

It is
Just like
Dawn
On a lake
With a mountain
Speaking
Centuries
Beyond our
Final breath